Melina Nheng

Anxiety. We’ve all experienced it at some point in our lives. For some, it makes a temporary appearance. For others, it persists and becomes part of their everyday. I happen to fall into the second bucket.

I’ve had anxiety for a while now. And what I’ve learned is that it’s not something you can really ‘fight’ off. I believe that overtime you just get better at managing it. Like anything in life, if you put in the work you will succeed.

Since the start of last year, I made a huge effort to understand my anxiety and I’m still working very hard to ease its power over me. You can do the same too. It just takes patience, practice and perseverance.

Anxiety is different for everyone. From my own experience, I would explain anxiety as stress, worry or overthinking that you can’t control. It’s not the type of anxiousness you feel in specific stressful situations, like attending a big event, taking an exam or sitting through a job interview. Instead, you feel troubled most of the time and these feelings are intense, persistent and interfere with your daily life. Anxiety can hinder your productivity, impede your ability to concentrate, dampen your spirit and make relaxing very difficult. Regardless of the degree to which you experience anxiety, thankfully there are some things you can do to help reduce it.

Here are five easy tips that I regularly put into practice, which can help you deal with your own anxiety:

Write down how you feel.

Writing helps. A lot. Most of the time, we’re living in our own heads ruminating about the past, fearing the future or creating scenarios that are unlikely to ever happen. When you’re doing this, you can’t think about exactly why you’re feeling anxious.

Writing down how you feel in the moment without any restraint, self-criticism and deep thought can help you identify the root cause of your anxiety. You might not get to the bottom of it right away, but overtime you’ll start to see common topics or patterns and be able to connect the dots between them. This rawness and authenticity in your writing will reveal more to you than just thinking about how you feel.

Free writing is also cathartic – there’s just something about putting your emotions down on paper and translating into words that makes you feel better. You can see the problem for what it is, which provides you with a great vehicle to work through your internal struggles. This clarification means you can take concrete steps to tackle the things within your control to ease your anxiety. For example, if you’ve identified that a certain relationship is triggering a deep-rooted fear of being abandoned due to its instability and inconsistency, you can begin to question whether that relationship is sustainable and truly beneficial to your well-being. Now you have the means to do something about it, because you understand what is fueling your stress and worry.

Writing allows you to really understand yourself. In turn, this empowers you to make positive changes and think about things differently to better your situation.

Don’t judge your emotions, you’re entitled to feel the way you do.

You may have heard the saying, “Go through it, not around it”. When it comes to anxiety, this means letting yourself feel exactly how you feel – sitting with your emotions without judging yourself. Sounds easy enough. Right? It’s not. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be hard on yourself. You’ll dislike that you feel stressed, worried or upset. There have been many times where I would be mad at myself for not feeling good when all things aside, nothing was even that bad. But I’ve learned to embrace that these are the emotions I’m experiencing in the present moment, and it’s completely okay to feel crappy.

Accepting how you feel does not mean you won’t do anything to improve your mood, but it allows you to first recognise that you’re feeling a certain way. Feelings come and go, so you might find yourself in a better state before even needing to take any action.

Acceptance is more liberating than avoidance will ever be. I used to be an “avoider”. I was good at it too. But little did I know this was doing me harm. Yes, I felt somewhat “okay” when I brushed aside my feelings, as I would focus all my attention on the “more important” things I had to do. However, as time passed by my anxiety grew stronger. It began to show itself more and more, and unfortunately, it got ugly for me. Trying to control your thoughts and denying your emotions creates resistance – it’s like a battle of the head and heart because you feel something you don’t want to feel. You must learn to observe your thoughts and worries without judging them. Eventually they will slow down because you’re not giving them power by being reactive.

Talk to someone, anyone.

Opening up can be daunting. But you’ll be surprised at how willing people are to listen. I really struggled to share my burdens with those around me, simply because they were mine. I didn’t want to offload my feelings onto others. What I wanted was to be a “tough cookie”. Now I know there is nothing tough about dealing with things on your own. That’s because it’s easier to shy away from vulnerability rather than let others into your mental space. True strength prevails when you admit that you need a shoulder to lean on. True strength prevails when you release emotions from the confines of your mind. Most people want to help those who are struggling. They don’t mind giving up a little of their time to hear you out.

I would suggest talking to someone who you connect with. And if you don’t have that someone, there’s no harm in reaching out to a friend, family member, acquaintance or colleague who see as reliable or a good listener. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, there are many support services you can utilise provided by organisations like Beyond Blue or Headspace. I know that picking up the phone and talking to a complete stranger about your deepest feelings seems uncanny, but sometimes it’s almost easier to confide in someone who knows nothing about you. They won’t have any preconceived notions, they’re not biased, and they’ll really hear you without jumping the gun to offer advice, just like a close friend might do because they don’t want to see you hurt or upset.

Talking about how you feel is quite therapeutic. By putting it out in the open, you’re freeing yourself up from the thoughts and stress harboured within your mind.

Break a sweat, even if you don’t feel like it.

C’mon. Put on those jogging shoes. Work those muscles. Burn those calories. Being active has many health benefits, both physically and mentally. It has been shown that exercise improves your mood and decreases feelings of depression, anxiety and stress. During exercise, your brain will produce chemicals like endorphins, serotonin and norepinephrine that make you feel good.

Exercising is something tangible that you have power over to make yourself feel better. Unlike your emotions that are extremely difficult to control, you can do something within your reach to actually reduce symptoms of anxiety. I think that’s pretty amazing. Given that exercise is proven to enhance your mind and body, what are you waiting for?

I love exercising and doing an intense workout, not because I enjoy feeling like I’m on the brink of having an asthma attack, but because it’s almost impossible to stress, worry or overthink when you just want to survive your sweat session. So I’m going to suggest upping the ante on your workout if you feel like your anxiety has gotten the better of you.

When I don’t exercise, I definitely notice the negative effect this has on my mental well-being. I feel more agitated, irritable and restless. This is why it’s good practice to make exercise part of your weekly routine when you have anxiety. It doesn’t matter where or how you do it, what matters is that any form of physical activity will enhance your mood. And if you’re consistent, you might even get a rocking body from it too!

Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment.

How much of your time is spent thinking about the past or worrying about the future? A lot of my time has been spent at both these ends of the spectrum. Very rarely have I found myself in the middle. The middle being today. The here and now. When I became aware of this, I was absolutely shocked. That’s because I came face to face with what I was doing to myself. I was hurting myself over two things I had no control over – the past and the future. For someone who sees themselves as independent, intelligent and intentional, this behaviour was contradicting everything I wanted to be.

I’ve wasted so much precious time reminiscing about the past, thinking about what could’ve been, holding onto something I’ll never get back, and being angry or upset with someone else’s actions. I’ve also spent too much valuable time stressing about whether things will work out for me, and doubting my abilities. Do you see how this is damaging? My energy and mental effort have been dedicated to thoughts that don’t serve me. They don’t grow me. They only fuel my anxiety. One thing that helps me to cope during tough times is practising mindfulness.

You must bring your attention to the only thing that’s certain – the present moment. When you focus solely on this, you can’t walk the path of the past or run any faster towards the future. Instead, you’re experiencing what is happening for you right now. The sights you see. The sounds you hear. The objects you feel. And the fragrances you smell. If you don’t know how to get started, apps like Smiling Mind or Buddhify are really helpful with guiding you through the process.

Being mindful helps you realise and feel the importance of today. It can alleviate stress and improve emotion regulation, providing you with a greater ability to handle your feelings. With consistent practice, you’ll get to experience a calmness and relaxation that takes you away from anxiety.

Conclusion: Control what you can, let go of what you can’t.

The five tips above are all things that I do because they’re within my control. I put these into gear when feeling detached, stressed, overwhelmed or worried. I don’t know whether my anxiety will ever ‘disappear’, but it’s something I have gotten better at managing. Seeing your own progress is very empowering and encouraging. This loosens the hold that anxiety has over you, because you’re more aware of its triggers and you’re consciously doing the work to improve yourself.

There are different types of anxiety and a range of management strategies to help you deal with it. You’ll need to spend some time finding the strategies that work best for you. I am not a mental health professional, but I am sharing my experiences in hope that you find relief from anxiety too. If your anxiety is proving difficult to manage, please seek support from a trained professional.

Remember, you are strong. You are capable. And you will make it through.

References

Author: Melina Nheng

Five simple self-care tips for managing anxiety

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